Winter born

Winter born

You were winter born
In the darkest of Novembers
Smelling of blood and life
Angry at the light
Howling from the start, at me,
For bringing you to it
The enormity of it, sharp hurt, bleak cold
That lack of safe warm walls
Wrapping you, surrounding every side
Silent security
I would have kept you safe inside me
But no one asked
And life would only push and pull against us
Evolving anyway, moving on
Changing and interfering
'Well enough' is never left alone

You grew
Taking winter with you into everything
Scowling at me, still howling inside
Face turned away,
not looking back at where you grew
Not taking in the similarities
So awfully afraid you might see you.

The hurt has calloused
Hard skin grown over white thin scars
It lives inside, beside the loss
The hurt, to hurt and hurt again
Even expecting the sleights,
The pointed little spears
That even now can prick the bubble
And bring tears
I'm sorry for it
I would have kept you safe with me
For ever, even at inevitable cost
The life I gave became a life I lost in any case
And still I hold a waiting place
An empty space
The hole beneath my heart that is my soul
It is my gift to you.

 Ronnie Dorsey March 2015